A minute and fourty-six made my teeth tingle.

Speaking of Nike for a second though, die hard Celine Dion fan the LFOAB sent a link to his little slice of the interweb detailing a recent encounter at the land of swoosh ® that you can find here.
Its slightly reminiscent of a story I read about a bunch of skaters going to the Nike campus to have a session in the late 90s, just after Nikes launch of their first skate shoes (the advertising campaign for which was something along the lines of 'the skatepark is where you find it') then getting rushed and forcefully removed from the premises.

Never let it be said that Nikes not down with any cause thats going to make them money.
Just as long as it doesnt happen on their property.

Before we get in too deep though, take note of this flyer for an upcoming throw down in Birmingham that Alan from Brocycle sent us?

Now then, lets get to the mail- Starting back on the 7th, Maggie writes;

"Timely and full of Unicorn goodness.....
check out the mythical beasts link too.
Happy friday
Maggie"

I used to think that Ravens were my spirit animal, but now I know it is in fact a Unicorn.

Later on the 7th I got this from Dylan;

"Subject: This little gem made it past my spam filter"

(Please note, this is only a piece of the entire image that Dylan sent to me, but it was basically a puzzle of various sized Gifs that I simply didnt care to reconstruct, and secondarily, as astonishing as it seemed, the Can Grips website was just a blank white page, indicating only one thing- That they got this guy to design it for them.
Now, being the crackerjack journalist that I am, I couldnt let an advertisement for basically what is the drunks equivalent of mitten leashes go without further investigation.)

Without much effort, I found this article , in which the author immediately questions the coozies validity, and indicates that the Can Grip is currently challenging its relevance in the world of drinking, to which I scream out at the top of my lungs "LIES!" and "MIKE POMRANZ IS A TOTAL WANKER!" and "WILL SOMEONE LOAN ME A COUPLE OF DOLLARS FOR A CUP OF COFFEE?", though that final statement really doesnt have anything to do with anything.
Anyway, thanks for the submission Dylan. I think The Can Grip is stupid, and I hope that their back stock sits on the shelves and gets dusty.

The later on in the day, Patrick wrote in;

"Subject: Create your own fu man chu

This link is for guys like me who need a chia person to grow a stache or beard or dirtlip."

Though I laugh at such websites due to my awesome lookingness with a moustache, I understand its importance to poor folks out there who arent so follicly blessed as I.

Then a totally different Dylan wrote in with a totally different topic;

"Dear Swobo and HTATBL,

Just wanted to say that my Otis has proven to be the most fun bike I've ever owned. It's also comfortable, stealth, and incredibly versatile. Since I picked up the Otis, I've talked two more friends into buying the bike, and another into a Folsom. I'm gushing with Swobo-love.

And I continue to enjoy HTATBL. The blog has quite a following amongst my cohorts, and consistently provides both laughs and groans. So thanks, and keep up the awesome work. It seems like you all have your heads and hearts in the right place.

Dylan"

If by 'in the right place', you mean way up our asses, then you are absolutely right my friend, and thank you for the kind words.

The following day on the 8th, Michael the G wrote in with a big old pile of this and that;

"Whattup Stevil!

The attached pic is of the Right Honorable "Cal E. Vera" Pack I had made by the cats mentioned below. They have done some shit I reckon you will get a kick out of.

Specifically:

The Obama messenger. Note, this is a one-off custom bag that was given as a prize for an Alley Cat in DC.

Yeah, The cats at Seagull can throw some stitches. If you like the work maybe you can pimp 'em a little bit.

Thanks for keepin' it Bummer free.

Michael the G"

Ive referred alot of people to Seagull lately. Im not one for shoes, or suits, or the sort of items folks typically hoard, but when it comes to bags, Ive got what some might construe as a serious problem.
And yes Michael, I like that bag of yours a whole lot.

Then ANOTHER guy named Patrick emailed us on the 8th. If I didnt know better, Id say that there were just three people emailing over and over again. Anyway, he writes;

"Hey there HOBOPHOBE,
Whilst on vacation few years ago, I came across a little know hole known as "SHLIT MEA SHMANDERSON'S'", and out front of this eating establishment, I saw the biggest A-hole father anyone could ever know.
Not an ass in the traditional sense, he was very polite to others, kind and courteous.

Never disrespected any family members or patrons of the restaurant.
But something about this guy made me want to beat his ass, can't see why.

Thot you'd enjoy this rare shot of my boy smiling.

Patbastard"

Nice work. Split pea soup strained through Pats ass sounds delicious.
Now, I like politics as much as the next guy. Maybe a little bit more actually, but it looks like I really missed the boat this past November 4th in Colorado;

Then again on the 10th an individual named Jesse wrote in, but I suspect it was probably Patrick, Michael, or Dylan again;

"Stevil,

Long time reader first time submitter. Just thought I'd share how my friends and me (thank you for the grammar advice last week) avoided the bummer life last weekend at the 24 Hours of Chamberlin Ranch race on the Central Coast. First up here's Pancho taking the mandatory pre-lap pull from the Bushmills bottle.

Next we have a shot of the Le Mans, front wheel off, start.

Being the the day after Halloween, Dia De Los Muertos, we had an obligatory severed head with good safety sense.

Shenanigans proceeded to unfold after dark with beer lunges.

I was able to complete just three grueling laps on my "Retodded" Blackcat for my 5 man team before the race was cut short to due to rain making the course unrideable.

Never the less we continued bummer life avoidance after a few hours of rest with some pancakes embedded with tasty bacon.

-Jesse"

Youve done us proud here Jesse, what with your flagrant disregard for responsibility and acting as a respectable grown up should, and all.
Also, youre welcome for the grammar lesson, but you got it wrong anyway...

So the rule is this; "How my friends and me avoided the bummer life"- If you were to take 'my friends' out of the sentence, then would you say "How me avoided the bummer life", or how "I avoided the bummer life"?

"Jesse took an awesome picture of The Skipper and I at the mall"
-"Jessee took an awesome picture of I at the mall?"
No, "Jesse took an awesome picture of The Skipper and me at the mall" because if we were to take 'The Skipper' out of the sentence, "Jesse took an awesome picture of me at the mall"..

Somewhere my mom is smiling smugly, though regardless of all of this, I realize I generally neglect any sort of punctuation, plus, as pointed out yesterday by GRUPS, I cant spell my way out of a wet sack, so what difference does my opinion make anyway?
Its simply another one of the ugly sides of my half baked OCD coming out to play.

Nicholas wrote in I think on the 10th or maybe it was the 11th;

"I personally thought GWAR would be a better choice for the position, but O must know something bout Danzig that I dont.

Like that he actually is NOT a big fat pussy."

Sure Danzigs a goofball. Everybody knows that, but you know after walking a mile in Gaahls shoes this past weekend, I think hes the father figure Ive been looking for this whole time. Has anybody been reading The Bummer Life long enough to recall when I first requested a photo of Danzig mowing his lawn?
Well that seemingly innocent request literally opened the flood gates for two years of Danzig related fodder, but after all of the laughter and the tears, I get one simple email from Jon that makes everything make sense;

Danzig is dead, long live Gaahl.

The local bartenders, and bar tendresses that are The Soil Saloon have their most challenging urban boobery yet, coming up this weekend. A 30 mile jaunt through every slice of single track that San Francisco has to offer. You can be sure there will be some bum camps and moustache parks involved for your photo ops, so dont forget to bring a camera.
And maybe a Hazmat suit.

Thats going to be awesome, and I cant wait to see what other parts of the country this inspires to promote similar events.

before I go any further, Id like to mention that while I was in Portland, again someone referred to us as hipsters. Now in the traditional sense, I dont mind that so much-
Hip-ster (noun)
A person, esp. during the 1950s, characterized by a particularly strong sense of alienation from most established social activities and relationships.

Ok, I can dig that, but as far as the contemporary definition goes, I dont think that fits us so very well. Again I added all of our ages up and concluded that collectively were 247 years old, making the average age of a Swobo employee to be 41 years old. Is it even possible, by todays definition, to be a 41 year old hipster?

Anyway, our Homie MaLora Ann up there in Seattle is a busy girl, and has put the finishing touches on the 2009 'Lovely ladies on Beautiful Bicycles' calendar.

To keep the gals looking proper, Swobo proudly donated a womens jersey for each months model, and though it probably shouldnt need to be said, these sold out pretty quick last year, so get in line to get yourself one today.
Its not free, but it sure beats the hell out of the UPS calendar that is, any day.

I suppose while were on point, I should also mention that Andy from Fyxomatosis sent a whole new installment of really very lovely images through that are so good Ill link them here, here and here.

Welp, I got a call on Wednesday from none other than Captain Pete, who will be gracing me with a visit this weekend.

As you can probably guess from the photo, theres not a whole lot of dull moments when The Captains around, so its safe to assume that the bummer life isnt gonna stand a chance.
Man, Chevil one weekend and The Captain the next. I dont know what I did so wrong to deserve all of this.

Have a good weekend and well continue shaking out the proverbial sheets next week.