Im going to go ahead and blow our proverbial load right out of the gate by showcasing what in my humble opinion was hands down the best thing at this years Interbike trade show.
It was an updated replica of the legendary John Tomacs 1991 race bike custom built by Chris Herting and powdercoated at Spectrum Powder Works.

Apparently this beaut originally debuted at the Sea Otter this year, but I never pay attention to anything there, so it was no surprise I overlooked it.

Anyway, Tuesday night found The Skipper, 6'7" and me arriving at the Treasure Island bar since that always seem to be the corner to which all of the marbles ultimately roll. Wed agreed to wear suits the entire week, as its only right that individuals of our stature command respect. I had to change in the bathroom, and The Skipper pretty much said 'screw that' and dropped trou where we sat;

During our various states of dress, I lost the sleeves of my shirt, which wound up on Complayna (pictured here, looking like a gay opera pirate, and sitting next to Erin, the Swobo sales Maven.)

Not only do a cross section of the industries elite lay claim on sin city for the week, but their drunken alter egos come along for the ride as well. Here Victor Montenegro, and Stan Beaver meet up for the first time with Duke Raferty the third;

Simon proved once and for all just why what happens in Vegas must stay there;

GenO snapped a shot of some ladies nearly suffocating in a whole boat load of charm;

Now in years past, the new trends of the industry are evident to an individual nearly immediately after entering the room. Five years ago it was single speed mountain bikes, three years ago it was cross bikes, the following year it was carbon everything, last year it was the introduction to the tip of the iceberg of utility and city bikes, and this year as far as I could tell, it was tiny bicycles. Some were run of the mill;

While some were most definitely not;

Now of course it could be argued that due to the fact that more often than not, my eyes are bloodshot slits that only the smallest items in the show could squeeze into, but I suspect something of a much larger scale was at work, and it most likely had to do with Robert Ives performance at the 1998 Sea Otter Classic in which he raced the full 36 mile pro course on a 12 inch wheeled bike in 3 hours and 40 minutes.

Lets see.. What else was there?
Oh, the Rickshaw Bags 'beerdoleer' which made my crusted lips crack into an envious smile;

And speaking of devices I cant live without, I was fortunate enough to run into Matt Case who said that Cory from Dank was in fact in the process of putting together my very own 'beer net' helmet.
Oh good lord, and saints be praised. Matt and Cory are my saviors.

At some point while aimlessly wandering through the labyrinth that is the show, and most likely just after an endlessly meandering potpourri of small talk with some acquaintance or another, I realized that the best way to detach oneself from a pointless verbal engagement was to look at my watch (regardless of whether I was wearing one or not) and in a panicked tone say "oh, shoot. Ive gotta run.. Ive got a 1:00." (Again, regardless of what time it actually was.)

A '1:00' is also code for having a meeting of any kind, (during which time cans of beer are generally involved.) Well, as fate would have it, I got the opportunity to have a 1:00 with John Prolly, where we began discussing a possible virtual meeting of the minds, which would most assuredly put a lock on our plans for world domination. However the actual number of cans can sometimes dictate just how quickly and with what detail either party will remember said plans.
Over the coming months, well see what transpires.

Eventually we all departed from the debacle in the convention center and made our way to the Cross Vegas cross race. Ill spare you the ugly details, but apparently during a heated exchange with a ruggedly handsome and well dressed, albeit slack-jawed fan, race promoter Chris Grealish wildly lashed out at the sight of dollar premes being given declaring that "real pros do not take handouts", based on Nat Ross's world class beer feed last year which ultimately led him to being banned from this years competetion;

(Though he never acknowledged the fact that over the years Gina Hall, Travis Brown, Barry Wicks, Molly Cameron, Ian Brown, Barb Howe and even Adam Craig have in fact taken handouts- the final four of which took them at this particular event last year, but then again, as far as Adam is concerned, I guess racing in the Olympics doesnt necessarily define one as a 'real pro'.) He ultimately cleared up the misconception that Las Vegas and Belgium were not in fact two separate locations, that "I dont know how you do it in California in your 'fun races', but in Boulder we take racing seriously", and that any interaction with the bike racers short of mild appreciation is absolutely unacceptable, thereby spawning his new nickname of 'Golf Clap'.

When presenting the offender his business card so that a post race debate could ensue, the ner-do-well stated "ohh... youre Chris ?!"
"Yeah, who the fu#k did you think I was?" Mr. Grealish blurted..

"Uh.. I dont know.. Some douchebag security guard I guess" was the response, which led to the early heart attack candidate having to walk away and take a time out, sitting alone on the hillside to collect his bearings.

Regardless of last years beer feed zone being turned into an off-limits VIP area, there were still highjinx that abounded, most of which resulted in police intervention, and even for some, rides home in the backs of cop cars.

So, the lesson here I guess is that Cross Vegas is just like Belgium (with the exception of the fans interaction with the participants, and the small matter of geographic location), that this race is every bit as important as The Worlds (regardless of the antagonists claim that its just a B.S. exhibition race, and then offering this comparison-"if you stick a corsage in a pile of crap, it still doent make it a tuxedo"), and that cross racing is the worlds most serious athletic pursuit which if tainted by the fervor of its most passionate fans will assuredly result in the earth spinning off of its axis.

So now you know.

Anyway, the Treefarm absolutely obliterated the mens field;

And Katerine Compton wiped up the womens field;

Just so proper credit is given, both of the above photos were lifted from Velonews and taken by Rob O'Dea.

Aside from that, this happened;

Just before the dog pile, and after the above depicted man dance, Hurl head butted Johnny Sundt, again proving that from time to time, pros actually do take handouts, but sadly, I didnt get a shot of that...

Sometime the next morning back at the show, I got mobbed by team facial hair from Stolen BMX;

...and was presented with the ultimate honor when a quick sketch Id done several years ago turned up on one of Stolens steeds;

Dave, who is the captain of the Stolen ship swears a check is in the mail.

..Also at this years show was the magical Surly unicorn;

There were some instances of photo bombing present at the show this year as well;

The latter of which was taken by Sven from Dirt Mag.

Seeing as everyone who attends the trade show always departs with some kind of goods or another, I thought it only right to bring my own collection of freebees to pass around, the following of which I installed at the Mavic booth;

which caused possibly a little confusion;

And then there was the Dukes of Hazard watch that I presented to John from Boulder Cycle Sport. (Boulder... Where they take bike racing more seriously than anywhere in the world, remember..)

Over our time in Las Vegas, we also shot a bunch of video footage which we are in the process of adding subtitles to and uploading to somewhere so that we can present to you a virtual experience of the highlights, including an impromptu interview with the great Eddy Merycx, as well as a phone conversation with Bob Roll in which he discusses just why hed prefer having three butt cheeks over one boob.
Sit tight, cause well get it together eventually.

I should also include the fact that A.K. is the most handsome man in the universe;

And that regardless of our weeklong debate, Ibis Cycles own Chappy proved once and for all that if there was ever a need, she can in fact insert her head into their Airstreams oven;

So there you have it. At this years Interbike trade show, there were shiny trinkets, screaming matches, all night vomiting, (new and old) friends (from near and far), hitting heads on the bottom of shallow pools (twice in a row), nudity, music, Lance, beer, tons of fat people, carbon doodads, Dave Towle, book signings, messenger bags, hand crafted cycling hats, Canadian free riders proving that they have the loveliest collection groupies of any sect in the bike world, free lunch, hundreds of over sized and flat brimmed baseball caps, track bikes, BMX bikes, mountain bikes, city bikes, trials bikes, road bikes, cross bikes, tiny bikes, beer coozies, fancy pants, and hair gel.

And finally, before I go, Id also like to note that today marks the 666th entry here on 'How to Avoid The Bummer Life(dot)com'.

Do you like apples?

Then how you like them apples?