And the short answer to that is because waterslides totally kick ass.

Lets get straight into the action, shall we?
There was a time, less then a year ago as a matter of fact, when my body did what it was told, and never really complained. Times have changed however, and now I find myself doing all kinds of ridiculous things to make my life easier.
For example- due to the incredible ineffectiveness of my left shoulder, elbow, wrist trifecta, I did the unthinkable and broke up my beloved Campy wheel set on my one speed. I still have the rear intact in all of its high flanged glory;

But up front Ive replaced that which makes my heart sing with a nondescript, and run of the mill disk hub;

You can bet I didnt want to do it, but with my current condition, and the occasional inability to grab a hand full of v-brake, it was an adjustment that had to be made.
Also, I installed some of those old guy grips;

At this rate, Ill have a walker somehow installed on my bike by Fall.

But while I was busy with the tinkering, I immersed myself in some sorely neglected maintenance like shooting some grease in my rear hub, and pulling, cleaning and greasing my bb;

which I might ad, didnt appear to have been done since I assembled this particular bike around eight years ago. So even though all of these additions and fixes are in no way going to carry me to victory, I can rest easy with the security of my finish at Worlds back when it was in Southern California and despite what happens in a couple of weeks, I will always know that at one point in time, I was the 25th fastest one speeder
IN
THE
WORLD....

And in regards to my newly spare front wheel- Though you wont be finding it for sale at any point, there is a bash full of lots of other goodies coming up;

All of the info about the swap that youd care to shake a stick at can be found on The Summer Bike Swap Blog.

I suspect there will be a whole slew of dirts that will be arriving to town for Worlds around then, so if you happen to be one of them, get to it and buy some slightly used tires and Bontrager jerseys.

Now then, there is a girl weve known for years, who I just now nicknamed "Dow Jones Above Average" thats ridden and raced one speeds for just about as long as anyone can remember. Shes also a crackerjack graphic designer, whos been up to her chin in work for the new bike magazine called 'Bike Monkey'.

I promised Id attempt to do a solid for all of the hard work of those involved by plugging their efforts here on The Bummer Life, but I thought it was only right for her to lay a bit of background on us, which she did with the deftness of a ninja;

"bikemonkey is the brainchild of carlos perez, who swooped into sonoma county a few years ago and promptly set about transforming the sonoma county bike scene. i remember his coming out to some grasshoppers many moons ago, and hearing through the grapevine that he was trying to get a feel for the race scene. before i knew it, there were old-school good-time events all over the place--the kind where entry fees are low, there's food post-finish line, and proceeds are going to various good causes: mtb races in boggs and lake sonoma, hill climbs to benefit ross dillon, dirt crits in santa rosa, and even a 'cross series--the first we've seen since the good ol' days of gianni's west pole. all that and more: trail work, advocacy, now there's even progress towards a velodrome, right here in soco. seriously. carlos is doing good work.

bikemonkey magazine is the latest carnation of carlos' commitment to building a movement. issue 1 launched last spring, coinciding with the santa rosa stages of the tour of california. he was on the hunt for a new designer for issue 2, and my name came up in the right conversations at the right time. i'd long ago given up the dream of art directing a magazine, but leapt at this unexpected opportunity.

here's the official spiel (the ones the distributors like): bikeonkey is dedicated to increasing reader awareness of the passion for life that is fueled by the bicycle. It is a deviation from market hype that takes our readers closer to the roots of cycling, what it means to the people who are affected by it, and why they ride.

it's currently a quarterly, and we've got all sorts of content up our sleeves.
subscribe.
today."

Are you convinced?
I am. Now all you gotta do to get your own slice of the action is go here.

Though be forewarned- Its long been said that the second coming of The Antichrist was going to be in the form of an individual that everyone trusted and loved.
Perhaps Carlos is just that man.

But whatever the case, Im sold...
Just like my soul will soon be.

On Monday I posted a photo of me snuggling with a young dame, and then Chris sent an email containing a photo of his own seed;

"Hey Stevil,
I recently returned from vacation on lovely Lopez Island here in the PNW and I've been catching up on your latest blogarythms. In the spirit of International Canned Beer Month and that ass-kickin' Raleigh Rainier, I feel prompted to nominate this sweet young lady as poster girl for the month.

I'm not sure what effect posting her pics will have on your dubious street cred, but I figure the damage is already done. Either way, hopefully it brings you a chuckle. Cheers!"

As I responded to Chris, my street cred had the crap kicked out of it years ago, so what harm is posting another baby picture gonna do? Plus, shes kinda got the steely gaze of a bartender after just having asked "what in the hell do you want?"

Its a look Im all too familiar with.

Anyway, this got me to thinking. At some point along the line, I made an off handed request for a picture of Danzig mowing his lawn. From there it was a landslide of Danzig related videos, pictures, and stories.
Similarly, I think I may have at one point expounded on my appreciation for bacon and you all know how that turned out.

It reminds me of the fascination middle aged woman sometimes have with the gifting of animal related presents based on a momentary conversation.
Case in point- Sometime during my teenage years, I remember telling a friend of my parents that I liked gorillas. This slip of the tongue resulted in stuffed gorillas, gorilla cookies, gorilla buttons, postcards, posters emblazoned with encouraging slogans.. You name it, and as long as it somehow was related to these hairy jungle beasts, I ended up with it.

Now with all of this being said, I do not want to be inundated with pictures of babies, or I will have to change the name of the blog to 'How to Avoid The Baby Life', and frankly, thats a road I absolutely refuse to go down.

I will go on record and say that about 25 years ago the picture of the baby with a bowl of spaghetti on his head set the bar pretty damn high for me, and short of that, all other baby pictures will forever come in second.

And to gracefully transition away from babies, we all know what part of the anatomy is responsible for making the batter from which babies are made, and to honor that, heres a picture Scott sent us of his gigantic nuts;

And to answer the rhetorical question that just rocketed through your heads,
-yes the view from this part of the gutter is just fine.

You see this peach of a gal right here?

Her name is Aden, and not only does she have a soft spot in her heart for bicycles, but she is a damn crafty writer to boot. Ive long attempted to ply some words from her for use here, but shes an international girl of mystery and as such, can barely find time to work her day job in the bike shop OR her night job as a crime fighter, let alone grace us with her word skills.

Suffice it to say, shes been rocking some of our new womens Hickey knickers for a few weeks, and word has gotten back that shes a fan.

Maybe if she finds some down time while carousing around the deep blue sea in her submarine, or busting bad guys from her invisible jet, shell grace us with a review.
God knows she wears them far better than I do, so in an attempt at avoiding posting another shot of me in womens clothing, well just have to wait to hear it from her.

By the way, it just occurred to me that I should probably mention the fact that that Rick Astley meets KISS overdub thing has been stuck deeply within the crevasses of my brain for nearly 48 hours straight, which can probably go without saying, is a serious drag.

And with that.. Today is Wednesday, and thats the day that we pay homage to God for giving us livers.
...You know what to do.