Even though Monday is a holiday, and most of you wont be looking at this until youre clocked in on Tuesday, I thought Id expound on the phenomenon of time passage just the same..
As hard to believe as it is, were all sitting at the tip of Fall, and to celebrate, as well as to showcase the last few years of summer time hijinx, Ive thrown together a collection of images from our own Wednesday ride festivities.
Granted, Ive been on the sidelines for a good many of the rides this summer, but as the informal architect I was always there in spirit. Since I havent had a report of any sort for a few weeks, I thought it would be appropriate to compile a set of images taken over the years as sort of a tribute to forgetting about the mid-week doldrums and doing something nice for ones self just for the hell of it..
*It should be noted that the above image depicts a perfectly smashed 24 oz. can, with the top neatly folded back into place. If you think that this is no small feat, I defy you to attempt this stunt and achieve the same result.*
Folks have emailed me from time to time and said that theyd like to get something like this cooking on their own, but didnt really know how to go about it.
I think I just said you need some friends, some bikes, some beer, (you know- if youre into that sort of thing), and a night to burn. Sure, it sometimes makes Thursday a little more painful than it ought to be, but the point is to give you something to look forward to in the middle of the week besides 'The Fall Guy', or whatever is on television on Wednesday nights these days.
It doesnt seem as though its been three years that weve been doing this, but as far as that goes, heres to three more.
In closing, heres a link to our friend Johns blog in which he details the sickening sage of his and his wifes bikes being straight took.
Keep your eyes peeled.
Id also like to include an email from JP;
"DC just launched the country’s first automated bike-sharing system last week. It’s the same system San Francisco may get fairly soon. While at a bbq a bunch of us decided it was our civic duty to see if they would handle the rigors of real urban cycling. After some drag racing, skid and trials competition and other tomfoolery they proved their true worth in making for a quick beer run.
The size of the front rack and the matching color make it look like it was made for a case of Budweiser. For what its worth, the 3-speed bikes handle great even with a heavy load and took our abuse like champs."
Bike sharing...
Now if they would just include a box of beer on each bike we could rightfully regain our post as the greatest country on earth.
For the hell of it, Ill now include some art that doesnt suck by the hands of Ms. Allyson Haller.
Allysons actually illustrated a book that my own sister wrote that Im quite looking forward to, and as soon as I get my hands on a copy, you can bet that Ill make a hearty mention of it here.
The new Spooky Bikes jersey might very well be the ugliest thing of absolute beauty Ive ever laid my cocked eyes on.
(By the way Mickey,... I wear a large.)
And for those of you unfortunate enough to be unaware of Spooky and their tremendous legacy-
Go back to school, junior.
If I can get my hands on a fleet of those, Ive got a feat of strength thatll make your toes curl.
Also, theres been alot of information about the 2008 SSWC that has been posted on the interweb as of late but this video depicts an entire aspect of it that I have absolutely no recollection of.
I would now also like to include a P.S.... Sarah Palin? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!................
That makes just about as much sense as Santa Cruz's own epic curiosity of 'Signhenge.'
Heres an event that I gotta get up before it passes and that folks in this particular neighborhood gotta get to.
All of the pertinent info is right here.
This is especially appropriate considering National Talk Like a Pirate Day is right around the corner.
Taking time off always throws everything in the crapper.
And by 'everything', I dont mean my life, which as proven by this photo of Hurl and me is pretty sweet.
Taking time off is a great thing for your soul, but avoiding The Bummer Life is a 24 hour a day job, and Im only one man, with only one email address who types with only two fingers, so its quite easy for things to get away from me and make my O.C.D. punch me in the neck. I wake up to the sounds of unanswered emails containing bacon floss and videos of Danzig getting knocked the hell out for the one thousandth time.
I try to keep up on stuff, but I get behind, and as such, I would hate to think that anyone feels as though Im neglecting their efforts of contacting us by not writing back with them or including their contribution on this here blog site.
So with that being said, Im gonna chug a big old bottle of Ipecac, and regurgitate a bunch of those emails out here on the interweb for all 17 of you to see.
So in no particular order, let the barfing begin.
First up, Jon gives us one more reason to dislike David Hasselhoff.
"I realized that while two people from two entirely different countries and backgrounds may seem to have nothing in common, the only thing they might have in common is me."
I wont use the word hate in this case, because I generally reserve that for public singing,.. coupled with an incessant need to show ones ass off any given opportunity.
Then DPerry gave us a heads up that the folks from public works in Dana Point, California dont really get it;
Then he emailed us with an article proving that some folks in our very own city of San Francisco really, really dont really get it.
That Anderson fella might very well be the same knuckle head that attempted to organize a car Critical Mass a bunch of years ago.
Seriously.
However I was never sure how I was supposed to differentiate between the cars in the Critical Mass and all of the other assholes stuck in traffic.
I suppose Ill leave that one up to the scholars.
I know I said I didnt want pictures of people kids to be sent in, but heres one of our own Potters seed expressing what she thought when being notified that Uncle Stevil was coming to town.
"Fueling up to kick some roadie ass.... w/Celine Dion.
Have at it [if so inclined].
Peace & Crusty Scabs-
-Scott [LFoaB]"
Celine Deon has lost her damn mind.
Though Ben at The Alt thankfully is still keeping it together.
"Stevil,
The Minnesota State Fair is in full swing, and what is a state fair with out jumbo pieces of bacon on a stick? Also peep the signage that the Big Fat Bacon stand had posted.
-Ben."
Ill never try having sex in a skillet.
Again.
And speaking of sex and pigs, Jon writes;
"If you are asking if I had an orgasm, yes. It was a job, sir," Breiner reportedly said during testimony. "I didn't have pleasure doing this. I was paid to do it."
Now then- would you like to see a family portrait of some of our friends in New York City?
Of course you would.
Theys a twisted, but loving group of folk. You just dont want to be on the wrong on of their hammers.
Dammit. Just as I get done capping on people sending pictures of bacon floss, our friend Matt from Ghostship Clothing does just that;
Hey Stevil,
My lady-friend and I spent the day up in Mass yesterday and found all sorts of jems that helped us avoid bummer-life-ing...here's photographic evidence (btw, we found all these in different shops...):
1. I'm not quite sure what these are, but I want one....especially if they're of the flying variety...
2. Bacon Beans look like a best-seller....
3. The monocle makes me think that block of soy is up to something....
4. Clare is a little camera shy, but gets her point across...you know what they say about bacon-fresh breath....(it's a little hard to see, but yes, that is indeed bacon floss).
Ghostship Matt"
Of course its bacon floss. I have some next to my keyboard as I type.
Besides- what other kinds of floss are there?
In regards to the recent post about keeping a level head in traffic, Creighton wrote in with proof positive that it does in fact work;
"Howdy Sir,
I just wanted to thank you for the post.
I'm not by any means the angriest commuter in DC, but I've had a few very loud, not at all constructive debates with motorists here, and I always come away from them feeling shitty about how it went down. The dynamic of being threatened, and then responding to that angrily, and then fueling the cycle of yelling all gains momentum so fast, it's tough to get a lid on it once it's out.
Last night, I was riding home after work, riding slow to the left of a line of cars waiting to make a right. A woman in a little sporty BMW got impatient, did a quick look over her shoulder and started to yank out of
the line right in front of me. I grabbed two handfuls of brakes about the time she realized that she had seen something when she looked, which was when she was about halfway out into my path.
So I held up, gestured for her to go ahead and complete her maneuver, and remarked "This ain't a race track, lady!" as she chirped out in front of me. She yelled something back at me angrily and flipped a bird out the window as she sped off... stopping half a block away behind traffic at the next red light.
Now, this is the point where I typically would've rolled up on her and thrown some fuel on our conversation, but I had your post, and Kev's story, fresh on my mind. So as I rode by her car, I slowed way down, and said, "Ma'am, I apologize for yellin' back there, I'm just trying to get home safely like you and everyone else here."
Well she started right back up with bird's a-flippin' and f-bombs explodin' all over the place, there was just no way she was gonna come down. But a curious thing happened on my side of the conflict: I wasn't in the feedback loop. Somehow or another, maybe because my intent turned to
apology and connection instead of combat, nothing swelled up in me to respond to her. All I felt was a little bit of sadness that I couldn't reach her, and an "Ah well, maybe next time."
And I rode all the way home without even a little bit of adrenaline surge, no shaking, no thoughts about, "ya know what I should've said to that effin' idiot...", no action packed story to tell my wife when I got home.
No. Drama. At all.
Anyway, we'll have to see if I can cultivate this approach, and continue down this narrow middle path, but it sure felt like one of those "POW I got illuminated" kinda moments.
Thanks again,
Creighton Higgins"
Thats awesome, and I appreciate Creighton for both utilizing the insight from that particular post, as well as letting us know how it worked for him in the field.
Best case, that woman got home and reflected on that interaction and felt like an ass. Worse case, she actually is just that, plain and simple, and if thats the case, at least she is and Creightons not.
And when push comes to shove, I find that keeping a stash of stacks of the most repugnant pornography I can find close at hand to toss into their window before I speed away always is a near second to turning the other cheek.
Chris recently sent us an email thats jam packed full of bummer life avoidance for everyone with the exception of the folks who lost the camera;
Stevil,
Living the high life of the cycle commuter. Almost t-boned in the morning just to find gold in the afternoon.
Spotted a black case in the weeds and lo and behold it's a functioning camera.
Our friend Brendan from down unda wanted to let us know of a throw down that hes got coming up for any of you all who might find yourselves in that particular neck of the woods;
"hey man, how's it going?
i'm attempting to pull together a hillclimb in melbourne, australia (aka burn city....).
now, i know that melbourne's a long way away, but there's a lot of folks around here who read your page, and i'd be stoked if you'd throw this flier up on how to avoid the bummer life. thanks!
brendan"
I was fortunate enough to spend a tiny bit of time with some of my Australian homies at the Worlds this past weekend, but Id be lieing if I said that tiny bit was nearly enough.
If any of those homies are reading this, please know you have my love, respect and unfaltering gratitude for riding behind me with music while I suffered.
It was the only part of the race that didnt hurt.
Rob emailed me with this shot Ive seen many times before, but I thought Id throw it up here simply because two things I love are KISS, and fuzzy things.
Matt wrote in with a flash of brilliance;
"Stevil,
While watching this video:
The thought came to me that (unless I am mistaken) Soil Saloon has never done a "Ninja" themed race in the city.
Ninja's and bikes. Could be epic no?"
It could be epic, but then again, The City is full of roller skating ninjas and I suspect that if they caught wind that anyone was attempting to co-opt their shtick, there would be hell to pay.
Now heres a photo that Sky sent to me that succinctly illustrates just about how I feel at this stage of wading through days of unattended emails;
And finally, from our friend Nat in France offers some insight on drinking the fancy;
"Ok, I about to place my first order with the new and improved SWOBO, which is making me all teary eyed and nostalgic.
The internet is all that and all that, but it just ain't the same as being able to walk into the factory, and stepping over some kid on the floor cutting out patterns, pulling the schwag of the shelf, and reveling in the fine odors of damp wool, and SWOBO soap.
Anyway I never thought I'd say this but I really am starting to love France... (see attachment)
N@
PS Hope you're Repetitive Bike Box Syndrome has cleared up somewhat today."
So two items in response- Nat, and his lovely bride Heide and I all used to messenger together, and at one point, he sent me a set of photos that were taken for a Swobo photo shoot about 12 years ago.
He truly was with Swobo on the ground floor.
Anyway, Nat, like myself had issues blowing the crotches out of our old JMacs when karate kicking, which of course is no longer an issue. In fact he just recieved some and emailed me saying that he figured Bruce Lee was coming back from the grave to get his own pair.
And in regards to my wrists, despite the fact that I spent more time beating myself up on a mountain bike this past weekend then I have in some time, my hands feel surprisingly healthy.
To the individual who at one point recommended the 661 wrist brace, you were right, and thanks one million times.
Alright- I think Ive purged all that I can at this point, but Im sure that the next time I take a day off, Ill get buried again and we can all have another go around.
If you can stand it.
Its Friday (well, Thursday night actually, but thats pretty much like Friday)
and I dont know about you, but this weekend Im looking forward to a whole lot of rad getting.
That, and laying on the floor with some cartoons in front of me.
I cant do it. I dont have penning a concise post about this years One Speed Worlds in me to save my life..
It could be the incessant bickering of the numb nut neighbor kids, and the never ending rhythm of their bouncing basketballs, or it could be that there just really arent enough words floating around in my skull to do the two days justice.
Not only do I find myself incapable of describing the weekend appropriately, but I didnt even get any good photos.
That being said, and in my own defense, its nearly impossible to snap a decent photograph from behind a whisky bottle. Luckily some kind folks have allowed me the use of their photos so from a visual stand point, this report is not yet completely lost.
Anyhow, the long and the short of it from my limited perspective is this;
GenO and Catboxx arrive to town, Yafro and Devon pick us up in a huge van, we drive to Marin and pick Jmac up, we ride to meet Minkman and El Corpo to rally at the American Cyclery hodown in the Headlands, just as we arrive everyone leaves;
we return to town to drink and eat a late dinner on the shores of the bay, ride back to the van where we witness GenO grab a bunch of front brake and auger;
Then we sleep, wake up, fix stuff;
drive to Napa and then this happened;
What I am able to conclude is that it was an event that will linger within the confines of my heart for many years to come. Curtis and his team of miscreants managed to do us all extraordinarily proud in putting on one hell of an event for which we all owe a huge debt of gratitude, despite the fact that it was one of the most grueling experiences Ive had on a bicycle in a long time.
6'7" who was in charge of the heckle spot on the other side of the creek crossing mentioned that the expressions on peoples faces typically was one of utter shell shock, and I can say based most of the images Ive seen is just about right on the money.
My final lap was one based strictly on survival, but after having not raced a mountain bike in seven years, that really shouldnt have come as much of a surprise to me.
In closing Id like to bring a bit of rain to an otherwise very sunny day.
One of the pro hecklers in our camp must have really wadded some knuckleheads panties, as upon his return to his car, found that one of his tires had been slashed.
Hearing this Amigo #3 stated flatly, "great... Well it looks like were finally just like everybody else."
The upside is contained in an email;
"An adult in a silver Subaru Forester Ca. lic# 5PPM447. it was sometime during the awards on sunday. guy was seen, yelled at, and chased on foot but he was already in his car driving away. Thanks"
If anyone has any knowledge about this, please do let the offender know that weve got a blanket party waiting for them next time we cross paths, and Im sure the victim of this crime would gladly supply said blanket.
I could expound on this infraction upon our ilk, but Id like to think that the Bummer Life audience knows just what a ridiculous affront this was, and that if this individual was so profoundly affected by some good natured, old fashion Northern California one speed ribbing, then hes got far greater issues than any of us could even begin to wrap our minds around.
Basically, Im guessing that my man is a snibbling clown, who only has to face himself each morning, and thats gotta suck.
And finally Id like to reiterate my appreciation for all of the hard work that went into putting this together, as I know all too well how challenging it was, and secondly Id like to thank the folks who graciously let me steal the fruit of their eyes for all of the content herein.
If youd like to explore further, just take a peek at Lauren, Scotty, Jon, Lynz and Sean.
And with that, Id say that its time for another nap.
"SINGLE SPEED WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 2008 PRE-EVENT RALLY Y FIESTA FRIDAY AUG 22nd SAN FRANCISCO
Come join us in the City on the Bay in anticipation of the Greatest Show on Earth, the SSWC! This unique opportunity allows you to mingle with the seedy underbelly of San Francisco's bicycling culture, and ride with them off road in the urban environ. This all starts at the legendary American Cyclery, SF's oldest bike shop and refuge to the cycling masses. We then ride mostly off road and across the Golden Gate Bridge to the Marin Headland for much social exuberance.
-Meet and greet old and new friends from afar!
-Size up the competition!
-Determine who's most likely to make a drunken ass of themselves!
-Demonstrate your intent to make a drunken ass of yourself!
-BBQ foodstuffs in true 49er style!
-Imbibe beverages of fortitude and refreshment!
-Show your mettle in various Feats of strength!
-Win prizes of interest and useful nature!
Meet at American Cyclery (Frederick and Stanyan)
4p.m. Friday August 22nd
Ride at 5p.m. SHARP! Rain or shine!
Hosted by AMERICAN CYCLERY, the Soil Saloon, and The Sons Of the One Speed Revolution."
So there you have it. It should also be noted that your EVIL winter jackets might be a good idea to bring along, but assuming you dont have one, long sleeved woolies, and wind breakers will work just as well.
Now, on to the newz you can yewz;
The Rainman sent on an email concerning a topic that El Pirate Grande expounded on some time ago;
"Metallica- That sucking sound you hear is from none other than James Hetfield.
If everyone will go and pirate some more Metallica tunes maybe he will have to downsize his 14,000 sq ft shanty...
-Rainman"
And if you want, theres more info on this matter here..
One one hand, it is his property, with which he can do with whatever he likes, but on the other hand, folks have been using that trail for decades, and Im of the opinion that folks hiking on a small patch of your 500 acres couldnt possibly do much harm. Of course in the sue happy, and litigious society in which we live, somebody could stub their toe and turn around and take him to court, which in this day and age isnt such a stretch.
Though as always, theres the ever prevalent attitude of entitlement that one finds whenever one rides bikes in Marin.
Horses belong, everybody else get out.
Hikers belong, everybody else get out.
Bikers belong everybody else get out...
My property is my property and your property is my property.
Anyway you slice it, it still really sucks for the rest of us poor, non rock stars.
This next email I keep going back and fourth on. The link is pretty hysterical, but the content is not family friendly, nor is it safe for work. Remember, as Ive stated previously,(many times in fact) my sense of humor has not evolved one single iota since I was 13. If you feel the same about your own, then please, continue. If not, then Ive included a You Tube clip down below that will suffice, and transition you back into our regularly scheduled broadcast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now then, onto the email;
*Again- you have been warned. I dont want to hear anybody bellyaching about this after Ive given you so many opportunities to get out.*
"Dear bummer life all knowing blog master:
I've been working on this amazing cycling specific blog you cats would totally dig. Now, I'll forewarn you, it does involve nudity, actually it's all about nudity. Here's the basic premise, you have bikes you love, whether it be racing bikes, messenger rides, or zoo bomb freak bikes. And, you want to show people how these bikes are yours and no one else should lay hands on them. So, I bring you Tea Bags on Top Tubes
Take your balls out and slap them on your top tube and mark your territory. Better yet, go ahead and bag your buddies bike. Yep, I know, how could this not have been thought of before. Here's what some people have said about the wonderful new Tea Bags on Top Tubes Blog.
I feel violated. - Marc
DUDE why would you ever send that to anyone. That is the most awful thing I
have ever seen. Oh my god you are out of your mind. Got thee to rehab!! -
David
Dude, that is totally NSFW!!! Where do you find this shit? - Tony
That is pretty rad. your teabagging skills are coming right along. - Phil
You’re a sick, sick man. ;-) - Tom
Must be the optical inch - Terry
Wow. Some shit you just don’t need to know about. Thanks for sharing. -
Bobby
I think my mom really likes your website - Paxton
Check it out, I think you'll enjoy, send your submissions to
teabagsontoptubes@gmail.com
Keep Baggin,
D-bag
Not only the founder but also a member of T.B.O.T.T." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel kind of sick, but at the same time, this has ignited a smoldering way deep down in my hardwired, caveman sensibilities to do the same.
Anyway, for those of you who thoughtfully avoided the above train wreck, heres the video;
Anyway you slice it, youre still up to your neck in balls.
Seriously, this stuff just come naturally to me....
Nick avoided a bummer life by waking up the other day only to find that he got to drive one of the Mavic team support cars, after which he sent an update;
"Stevil,
You have been begging for more animal pics. I wanted to hook you up. (sarcasm)
I had to compete with a damn cat performing jump duties this weekend. everytime I got to a rider with trouble.. he was there first.
See attached pix.
-Nick"
I told him to do some brodies for me, but on that topic, he didnt respond.
And as far as that guy with the cat goes, I had to do a triple take, and cross reference it against the shot I had up the other day. The wonders of photoshop never cease to amaze and bewilder me.
But then again, Im a simpleton.
Now, in an email from John;
"Hey guys. I thought I'd send a couple of photos along that I felt you might appreciate. This hydrant is about a block from the apartment I lived in for several years up in Snowmass Village, CO.
I went up that way for a ride the other day, and thought to bring along the camera to get a shot of the new toy in an appropriate context. So here you go...
-John."
The people have their eyes peeled, and for that I am grateful.
Such is the case in an email from Marian;
"Grand total of 3 items for your viewing pleasure.
The first that I've atatched is a photo I took while I was out in Burlington, Vermont, hugging trees, eating granola, and riding bikes. Mostly bikes, though.
The second is a print ad that I found in Burlington's free weekly, 7 Days.
And finally, the third item is my very first 'cross race number.
Alas, starting my 'cross racing at such a peak means that it's just been one, long downhill slide.
Just like my life.
Rainbows, sunshine, puppy dogs, & bike rides,
m"
As I previously mentioned Ive got a thing for picking up on the triple sixes, and it does my heart so, so good that my affliction has spread to all of you.
Like my dad always used to say, "dont say I never gave you anything."
Which usually followed him handing me an empty beer can, or some fish guts.
Ahhhhh, A Freeman heard my call on Monday and responded in turn.
Are you ready for some art that doesnt suck?
Of course you are, and its with distinct pride that I present to you Adam5100.
Dig it.
Instead of a fancy studio and a big old, well contructed table my man has a back yard and some five gallon buckets.
That my friends, is how real artists roll.
Well, it is with a heavy heart that I sign off, as I wont be around to make a Bummer Life post for Friday. I will be avoiding a whole heap of bummer life myself however, and will have a full report to lay on you just as soon as the haze dissipates and I get my feet beneath me again, which if I dont miss my guess will be sometime in late 2009.
Just like Indiana Jones, I crack my whip, and I am out of here.
Im going to probably get into trouble for using The Bummer Life for my own political means, but an issue has come to light that I think is of vital importance, and I sincerely hope you do too.
When youre done here, skip down a post to get back to the regular old nonsensery.
From an email I just received;
Dear friends,
Can you imagine living in a place where birth control is considered an "abortion" and health insurers won't cover it? Where even rape victims are denied emergency contraception?
It seems unbelievable, but the Bush Administration is quietly trying to redefine "abortion" to include birth control. The Houston Chronicle says this could wipe out dozens of state laws that protect women's reproductive freedom and protect rape victims. Access to basic health care for millions of women would be jeopardized. And it's being pushed as a "rule change"—meaning, it doesn't need congressional approval.
Can you sign an emergency message to Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt, whose department is considering this rule change right now? Tell him: "Contraception is NOT abortion. The Bush Administration's proposal to change the definition of abortion and reduce women's access to birth control must be stopped."
The best way to beat back this proposal is to show Secretary Leavitt massive public outrage—that's why today Move On(dot)org launching this petition jointly with Planned Parenthood Action Fund. Together, we'll deliver every signature to Leavitt. You can help add to our momentum by forwarding this message to friends.
Here's what some others are saying about this proposal:
The draft regulation would define birth control as abortion...it could deny access to critical family planning for women across the country.—Letter signed by Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and 26 other senators.2
The draft rule could void laws in 27 states that require insurance companies to provide birth control coverage for women requesting it [and] laws in 14 states requiring that rape victims receive counseling and access to emergency, day-after contraceptives.—Houston Chronicle editorial3
The administration needs to stop playing word games with women's health and state clearly they will reject any regulations that will undermine women's access to basic health care.—Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America.4
[It's] a spectacular act of complicity with the religious right... —RH Reality Check, Information and Analysis for Reproductive Health5
The birth control pill, the IUD, and emergency contraception might all become unavailable—illegal—as a result.—Brigid Riley, executive director of a Minnesota teen pregnancy prevention organization6
Can you help send a loud message to Secretary Leavitt that birth control is NOT abortion? Clicking here will sign your name:
Right out of the gate, Im gonna tell you about this.
And then Im gonna say "just as the last tube was tucked away in its place";
Crap.
We got another shipment of bikes in on Friday, which very nearly swallowed The Skipper and myself up.
Two people plus hundreds of bikes equals roughly a 13 hours day, but when all was said and done, we got all the bikes counted, processed, put away, and most importantly shipped to all of the awaiting customers, but because of this, Ill be damned if I can even hold onto a cup of coffee.
The kung fu grip is little more than a mere pinch at this point.
Ice packs and Ibuprofen might get me up and running again, but somehow this time around, I doubt it.
The warehouse is going to be a bit of a ghost town this week as The Skipper bounced to Alaska to go fishing with his dad, so as per the usual, when I run the show solo, I will be manning the helm in my underpants and wrestling mask.
When solitarily operating a machine as immense as this, you gotta find the perks where you can.
Looking of all of these boxes reminds me that we got an email from our dear friends at Knog in which they included pictures of a recent creation that, if it were even possible, has them burrowed within the recesses of our hearts even further.
"Greetings Swobo!
I’d like to introduce you to 'Swobot'…’Defender of HARD!’ Our latest window installation here at the Knog shop in Melbourne.
His eyes are powered by 2 frog lights, his mouth by a bullfrog and his naughty bits by a gator 605…other than that he is created entirely from the boxes that your bikes were shipped to us in (and miscellaneous packaging materials found inside). He’s sure to frighten the little ones!
Note that he is holding a customized Sanchez between the pincers of his left hand.
Yours bikes are proving to be a real hit! Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Woodie
Store Manager
100% KNOG"
That totally rules, and as soon as our soft pellet guns arrive, I suspect The Skipper and myself will be making a bit of body armor that looks similar.
Curtis and the rest of the team have been tirelessly working on the final preparations for the upcoming Worlds. If you havent stopped by to check on the progress, theyve got a weblog with all news, new and old.
The amount of stuff theyve gotten from sponsors is absolutely off the chain. When we put the race on in 2002 It was kinda like pulling teeth to get stuff from alot of companies. Of course the standards were there in force, but from a couple companies whos names I wont mention, I got like, a tire and a sticker pack, with which we made due, but if I was a betting man, Id say it looks like Curtis has got somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 worth of stuff, which beats the hell out of a sticker pack any day.
I hope I win a Swobo jersey.
Though one sponsor who did us a huge honor in 2002 was Independent Fabrications. Now Ive never made this piece of news public before, but they gave us a custom mens frame with a stock paint job and a stock womens frame with a custom paint job.
Being the post-modern, OCD laden rocket thinker that I am, I concluded that it was only right to give the womens frame away to the gal that got 6th place and the mens frame to the fella who got 66th place, who as it turned out were friends.
The way I see it, the ones who work hard and only forever maintain marginal fastness on a bike (like me) shouldnt always be excluded from the booty, which on this day, these two definitely were not.
I love the quote..."There are none more black...for they are...the blackest of the black". WTF is this, Spinal Tap?
have a nice weekend...
LJ"
Yes... Spinal Tap that actually takes themselves seriously.
But really, its begs the question- How can you get blacker than black? I dont think its possible.
JB writes;
"Georgia?.. Really!?...
That's disappointing. The idea of those hairy knuckles in my backyard has been scaring the crap out of me for years.
good thing we have this little pick-me-up,
Oh rest assured, thats not the only Bigfoot. There are way more out there and when they found out some dumb rednecks got one of them, boy are they gonna be pissed.
Jason, who is the Grand Poobah for the Michigan Mountain Biking Association got ahold of us with some good news from his home state;
"S.,
Maybe the stunts aren't as crazy as in BC, but the track is just outside of Detroit, so that is pretty "extreme", eh?
Peep the clip here.
j.
Director of Advocacy
Michigan Mountain Biking Association (MMBA)"
As I responded to Jason, the most extreme aspect of that clip from this end was just listening to Lila Lazarus shriek.
But seriously, I cant imagine how much effort putting a park like that together must have taken, and a huge congratulations are in order for all of the hard work put forth to make that dream a reality.
If youd like to know what other pies the MMBA have got their fingers in, all youd have to do is stop by their website to get the full skinny.
Now to get to my quasi-regular insight (slash) rant. As I rode to work the other day I began thinking about the abundance of recent car/cyclist conflicts that have gained a fair amount of visibility in the media as of late.
Basically, as I see it, bicycles have only begun to creep into the American consciousness beginning as recently as within the last couple of years. Sure, weve all been well aware of 'urban cycling' for a very long time, but on the whole, to society in general, its a brand new phenomenon (primarily due to a higher visibility and increased numbers), and obviously to many, a huge annoyance. Think about it- we as a group and culture are in the process of attempting to reprogram the masses feelings of entitlement to the roads that for all intent and purposes have strictly belonged to car culture for not only decades, but generations.
It should come as no surprise when tempers flair, as bike folks who are relatively new to the fold (insert your average, run of the mill Critical Mass participant here perhaps) rightfully are insisting to their slice of the pie, but who it seems to me are going about it rather clumsily, as well as arrogantly, which the media will continually devour and blow out of proportion, and sadly will ultimately serve to work against us..
I think its fruitless to attempt to change peoples minds by force, wether it be about religion, politics, favorite football teams or choice of ice cream. I think its up to everyone of us who rides a bike day in and day out to continue doing so in a passively defensive manner, so that eventually were seen as exactly what we are- fellow travelers sharing the same resource.
For example this means if someone doesnt see you and then cuts you off, to not lash out and slam your hand on their hood, but as Ive done in many cases, chase them down and as calmly as I can, explain that they almost hit me and that I, just like them, am simply trying to arrive to my destination safely, something that your average driver is unused to and as such, has absolutely no defense for.
Ive found that without exception, using this particular brand of psychology of putting them in your shoes, and vice versa, always gets the point across without flaring any tempers.
I will relate one story that sums up this whole mindset for me. Years ago while messengering I was in West Oakland. For those of you familiar with The Bay Area, you know this part of town, and for those of you who dont, before the massive re-gentrification of the last few years, it tended to be a sketchy and sometimes very dangerous part of town, (but make no mistake- dispite the development, its still rough as hell.) One day in particular, I was seemingly intentionally pinched into a curb by a young thug in a gigantic American cruiser of some make... I yelled, but only to alert him of my presence. Upon hearing my voice raise, he took offense and then began intentionally driving erratically. He then urgently stopped and got out of his car ready for a fight.
All I offered was "man, I dont go to your work and threaten you.. What makes you think its ok to do the same to me?"
That was all it took. If even for a moment, he was in my shoes and immediately backed down. He then began asking me questions about what it was like to be a messenger. I said it was great except for when people tried to hit me. He dropped his head, apologized, shook my hand and we parted ways.
If Id escalated the situation who knows what would have transpired? More over, as days and weeks passed by, maybe he even looked out for cyclists and avoided them based on our interaction.
To counter this story, in San Francisco a few years ago after a confrontation with a messenger, a guy stopped his car, got out and took a shot him, and accidentally hit a woman on a lunch time jog.
The scenario was simple, and one we all know too well. The car cut the cyclist off, the cyclist spit on the car, the car chased the cyclist, a few words were exchanged, and within minutes these three people who previously were totally unaware of one anothers existence, were forever linked by violence and extraordinarily poor judgement.
Kevin wrote in with some thoughts on that very matter;
"Stevil,
This story's kinda long, but so is life.
Read it and share in my frustrations and mixed emotions. If you'd like, feel free to share them with others, too.
As I replied to Kevin, it only takes one heated exchange with the wrong person to do a whole lot of damage.
So I guess the point of this heap of meandering thought process is this; we as a group are saddled with the unfortunate task of attempting to alter a long standing mindset in this country in regards to our rightful use of the roads, and will ultimately benefit by using our brains to resolve conflict as opposed to our brawn.
Ask yourself the question- do we want this 'first' impression to be a positive one or a negative one, and how might our individual day to day actions as well as interactions effect that image, as well as our own well being, regardless of how unfairly we sometimes feel we are being treated?
And believe me, it takes some serious discipline...
Believe it or not, when I thought all of this out the other day, it seemed alot more concise.
Lets finish this off with a report of some the good stuff from our own George;
"well brohan,
"Hey man, well Henry, get off the phone, I gotta Hey man, I gotta straighten my face. This mellow black chick just put my spine out of place" (background tunes)
My lady and I had a fantastic time on the crest trail complete with hot dogs at the top, riding on cloud nine for miles, beer breaks, euro tourists, swingin singletrack, veteran bike techs at the top
- as the quote from him to my lady was "yeah, I've been wrenchin' about 9 years and it's hard; there's a lot of rookies out there and you got to be careful."
We were both amazed with his enlightenment as a bike shop guru. I don't know where I 'm going with this, but the trip was one hell of good time. the next day we rallied 20 miles of river rafting through class 3-5's down near Canon City on the Arkansas River.
then followed it up camping near the Rainbow loop and spent the better part of the day drinking coffee/beer and playing cards in the tent while the heavens dumped rain and then Zeus through the bolts everywhere.
I finally built up a proper cross bike from the salvaged misc boxes from several shops across the country.
I know its right around the corner and I am just trying to get stoked to redline the heart and want to vomit on lap 1, hyperventilate on lap 2, shiver on lap 3, cough like the dickens on 30 degree air on lap 4, get really hot on lap 5, reach equilibrium on lap 6, pray that there isn't that many more laps on lap 7 and with any luck there will be plentiful beer handouts.
to you and yours have a super weekend and don't piss on your leg again.
slightly more love than usual,
g"
And then not seconds later, he returned;
"well here's some more crap that kinda goes with the other email kinda like "suffragette city" and "queen bitch" and more along the lines of "blah blah blah". this bowie tangent is going nowhere.
toodles,
g"
Inspired by Georges spirit for adventure, I washed out the back of my truck on Saturday in preparation for this coming weekend and whatever hijunx might evolve. Truth be told, Im probably going to end up sleeping under my truck, as I would imagine the bed might end up getting called by GenO and JenO as their own little honeymoon suite.
Id sleep next to my truck and stare up at the stars if I wasnt absolutely terrified of being awoken by the pitterpatter on my sleeping bag of Gene relieving himself in the middle of the night, and theres noway Im going to let that happen.
Again.
I will finish by saying that one of you all who tune in here recently sent me a link for some really amazing artwork by a friend of yours for the 'art that doesnt suck' segment, but Ill be damned if I didnt loose the link.
Stencils?
About three weeks ago?
Ringing any bells?
As Ive said nearly every Monday for the past two years- have a good one, and theres only five more days until we get to do it all over again.
Now, before you get all willy nilly and click on this link, you should know that its chock full of F bombs.
Do you think you can handle it?
Consider yourself warned.
I said 'hot', get it?
And speaking of which.. You know what would feel good right now?
A waterslide...
A wise man once spoke the truth;
You truly cant hate everything.
You might as well trim that list down to the bare minimum...
and just keep Metallica.
...They make it soooooo easy.
You know, a fella that goes by the name of 'Skull' contacted me to request a link exchange. I told him that no one ever looks at the links over there in the side bar anyhow and that Id do him a solid by putting his own blog up in lights.
So Im going to do that.
Right now.
Here it is...
And as long as were on the topic of people named Skull, Pinto sent this bit of news on for our edification..
You wanna name your kid 'Chicken Bucket Rollerblade'? Go right ahead.
In an email from James;
"I saw this pair on my ride home after work this week. Use it as you wish."
I told James I blew it up and put it on the ceiling above my bed.
Now, El Corpo hates cats. I know lots of folks who dont care for cats, and conversely, I know lots of folks who dont particularly care for dogs, but I think thats just silly.
How can you like one kind of animal, but not another?
Animals are not sports teams. I dont see how one could pick a favorite, and then actually have disdain for another, and with all of this being said, it doesnt mean that I want people to start sending me pictures of animals.
I think animals are just like people, only not as crappy.
I mean take these baby cows for example. Theyre just chilling, eating grass and avoiding the Chupacabra.
Thats the life for me.
But you wouldnt know it, just as I ask people not to send me pictures of babies, none other than our own Ritchie Ditta sends me pictures of his own off shoot fixing bikes.
And then Devin did it as well...
Come on people. Youre killing me.
No babies.
Anyway, in an attempt to further myself from being an even more crappy human being than I already am, heres the P.S.A. portion of The Bummer Life all about a Look pedal recall.
Alright, I cant take credit for that. Ashley sent that in. She also sent in this video of The Urban Ninja;
Im pretty sure that Ive had that up before cause Im pretty sure it is awesome.
And just so theres no mistake in thinking that that Ashley doesnt have the main line to all that rules on the interweb, heres one more in the form of the Cake Wrecks blog.
So Wednesday found me on my first dirt ride in, what... two months? You know, it was rad and all, but then we saw this;
and then we did this;
What was the raddest was that she was surrounded by a swarm of unicyclists..
What a minute, I think I may have a picture of that too...
Yep. I sure do.. The trusty camera never lets me down.
Anyway, I finished the ride, and I was nowhere closer to rushing for the ice pack then I was at the start, so I guess thats a pretty good sign, and like I mentioned before, I always have the security of knowing that I was at one time the 25th fastest one speeder IN
THE
WORLD.
And really, you know thats a fairly elite club, as for the first worlds at Big Bear, I dont even think there were 25 people racing, so that means theres only like, seven of us, which brings to mind a brilliant bolt of brilliantness.
If I can assemble all of the people whove achieved this level of grandeur, I will have a commemorative tattoo designed for just us, and let all of the world know just who the worst of the best really is.
We truly are the upper echelon of mediocrity, and know this my friends... That aint chopped liver.
I got nothin' ahead of me this weekend but a whole lot of that.
And after performing the wedding last weekend, Im of the opinion that I deserve it.
Ive been thinking lately, as I occasionally do from time to time, and Im just generally kind of in awe of the new found appreciation for hand built custom bicycles. Dont get me wrong, I think that its truly an awesome craft, but the fact that theres enough gravy to go around from new builders to the older, more experienced builders is incredible.
A friend of ours who Im sure youre all well aware is sort of like the godfather of custom building, as hes been at it for as long as anyone can remember..
To own one of Bruce Gordons works of art would be to truly own a piece of history, and when my ship comes in, you can bet that I will.
In regards to 6'7"s fits of inspiration in the stems face plates, Dave writes;
"Ola,
Long time reader, first time spammer. Thanks for your consistent efforts to make every other day worth living.
Question fer ya ... where did y'all get the inspiration for this?
I know that guy. He's Bill "Bike Guy" Humphreys. One of the first American stage racers in Europe. Coach of many (Including Greg LeMond as a junior). National champ on the dirt. All around full-throttle hard-charger.
And still sports that stylin' lip coozie.
Anyway, had to share.
go drink something
-dave"
When I woke up this morning, I had no idea I was gonna get taken to school by Professor Dave.
Anyway, as I said before, 6'7"s bursts of outwardly channeled brain power really have no rhyme or reason. When hes at the helm, all you can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.
Would you like to see a funny cartoon that Matt sent me?
Sure you would.
Im pretty sure thats a true story.
Its Friday today. That means theres about to be all kinds of hijinx to get into, and if I know you like I think I know you, getting into it youll be doing..
'Why' do you ask, 'is there a picture of a waterslide here?'
And the short answer to that is because waterslides totally kick ass.
Lets get straight into the action, shall we?
There was a time, less then a year ago as a matter of fact, when my body did what it was told, and never really complained. Times have changed however, and now I find myself doing all kinds of ridiculous things to make my life easier.
For example- due to the incredible ineffectiveness of my left shoulder, elbow, wrist trifecta, I did the unthinkable and broke up my beloved Campy wheel set on my one speed. I still have the rear intact in all of its high flanged glory;
But up front Ive replaced that which makes my heart sing with a nondescript, and run of the mill disk hub;
You can bet I didnt want to do it, but with my current condition, and the occasional inability to grab a hand full of v-brake, it was an adjustment that had to be made.
Also, I installed some of those old guy grips;
At this rate, Ill have a walker somehow installed on my bike by Fall.
But while I was busy with the tinkering, I immersed myself in some sorely neglected maintenance like shooting some grease in my rear hub, and pulling, cleaning and greasing my bb;
which I might ad, didnt appear to have been done since I assembled this particular bike around eight years ago. So even though all of these additions and fixes are in no way going to carry me to victory, I can rest easy with the security of my finish at Worlds back when it was in Southern California and despite what happens in a couple of weeks, I will always know that at one point in time, I was the 25th fastest one speeder IN
THE
WORLD....
And in regards to my newly spare front wheel- Though you wont be finding it for sale at any point, there is a bash full of lots of other goodies coming up;
All of the info about the swap that youd care to shake a stick at can be found on The Summer Bike Swap Blog.
I suspect there will be a whole slew of dirts that will be arriving to town for Worlds around then, so if you happen to be one of them, get to it and buy some slightly used tires and Bontrager jerseys.
Now then, there is a girl weve known for years, who I just now nicknamed "Dow Jones Above Average" thats ridden and raced one speeds for just about as long as anyone can remember. Shes also a crackerjack graphic designer, whos been up to her chin in work for the new bike magazine called 'Bike Monkey'.
I promised Id attempt to do a solid for all of the hard work of those involved by plugging their efforts here on The Bummer Life, but I thought it was only right for her to lay a bit of background on us, which she did with the deftness of a ninja;
"bikemonkey is the brainchild of carlos perez, who swooped into sonoma county a few years ago and promptly set about transforming the sonoma county bike scene. i remember his coming out to some grasshoppers many moons ago, and hearing through the grapevine that he was trying to get a feel for the race scene. before i knew it, there were old-school good-time events all over the place--the kind where entry fees are low, there's food post-finish line, and proceeds are going to various good causes: mtb races in boggs and lake sonoma, hill climbs to benefit ross dillon, dirt crits in santa rosa, and even a 'cross series--the first we've seen since the good ol' days of gianni's west pole. all that and more: trail work, advocacy, now there's even progress towards a velodrome, right here in soco. seriously. carlos is doing good work.
bikemonkey magazine is the latest carnation of carlos' commitment to building a movement. issue 1 launched last spring, coinciding with the santa rosa stages of the tour of california. he was on the hunt for a new designer for issue 2, and my name came up in the right conversations at the right time. i'd long ago given up the dream of art directing a magazine, but leapt at this unexpected opportunity.
here's the official spiel (the ones the distributors like): bikeonkey is dedicated to increasing reader awareness of the passion for life that is fueled by the bicycle. It is a deviation from market hype that takes our readers closer to the roots of cycling, what it means to the people who are affected by it, and why they ride.
it's currently a quarterly, and we've got all sorts of content up our sleeves.
subscribe.
today."
Are you convinced?
I am. Now all you gotta do to get your own slice of the action is go here.
Though be forewarned- Its long been said that the second coming of The Antichrist was going to be in the form of an individual that everyone trusted and loved.
Perhaps Carlos is just that man.
But whatever the case, Im sold...
Just like my soul will soon be.
On Monday I posted a photo of me snuggling with a young dame, and then Chris sent an email containing a photo of his own seed;
"Hey Stevil,
I recently returned from vacation on lovely Lopez Island here in the PNW and I've been catching up on your latest blogarythms. In the spirit of International Canned Beer Month and that ass-kickin' Raleigh Rainier, I feel prompted to nominate this sweet young lady as poster girl for the month.
I'm not sure what effect posting her pics will have on your dubious street cred, but I figure the damage is already done. Either way, hopefully it brings you a chuckle. Cheers!"
As I responded to Chris, my street cred had the crap kicked out of it years ago, so what harm is posting another baby picture gonna do? Plus, shes kinda got the steely gaze of a bartender after just having asked "what in the hell do you want?"
Its a look Im all too familiar with.
Anyway, this got me to thinking. At some point along the line, I made an off handed request for a picture of Danzig mowing his lawn. From there it was a landslide of Danzig related videos, pictures, and stories.
Similarly, I think I may have at one point expounded on my appreciation for bacon and you all know how that turned out.
It reminds me of the fascination middle aged woman sometimes have with the gifting of animal related presents based on a momentary conversation.
Case in point- Sometime during my teenage years, I remember telling a friend of my parents that I liked gorillas. This slip of the tongue resulted in stuffed gorillas, gorilla cookies, gorilla buttons, postcards, posters emblazoned with encouraging slogans.. You name it, and as long as it somehow was related to these hairy jungle beasts, I ended up with it.
Now with all of this being said, I do not want to be inundated with pictures of babies, or I will have to change the name of the blog to 'How to Avoid The Baby Life', and frankly, thats a road I absolutely refuse to go down.
I will go on record and say that about 25 years ago the picture of the baby with a bowl of spaghetti on his head set the bar pretty damn high for me, and short of that, all other baby pictures will forever come in second.
And to gracefully transition away from babies, we all know what part of the anatomy is responsible for making the batter from which babies are made, and to honor that, heres a picture Scott sent us of his gigantic nuts;
And to answer the rhetorical question that just rocketed through your heads,
-yes the view from this part of the gutter is just fine.
You see this peach of a gal right here?
Her name is Aden, and not only does she have a soft spot in her heart for bicycles, but she is a damn crafty writer to boot. Ive long attempted to ply some words from her for use here, but shes an international girl of mystery and as such, can barely find time to work her day job in the bike shop OR her night job as a crime fighter, let alone grace us with her word skills.
Suffice it to say, shes been rocking some of our new womens Hickey knickers for a few weeks, and word has gotten back that shes a fan.
Maybe if she finds some down time while carousing around the deep blue sea in her submarine, or busting bad guys from her invisible jet, shell grace us with a review.
God knows she wears them far better than I do, so in an attempt at avoiding posting another shot of me in womens clothing, well just have to wait to hear it from her.
By the way, it just occurred to me that I should probably mention the fact that that Rick Astley meets KISS overdub thing has been stuck deeply within the crevasses of my brain for nearly 48 hours straight, which can probably go without saying, is a serious drag.
And with that.. Today is Wednesday, and thats the day that we pay homage to God for giving us livers.
...You know what to do.
Michael sent this to us and it simply said, "Photo bombing: The Fine Art of Ruining Other People's Photos."

I trust that you, dear readership of The Bummer Life, will take this new skill out into the world with you and keep us abreast of your progress.
This next item has been sent to me within the last few weeks no less than 35 times, and I figured since Id put it up before, that I would keep it to myself, but the emails just kept coming in, so once again, my nominee for this years Pulitzer Prize, the bacon alarm clock.
As Id mentioned before, I preformed my first and hopefully only wedding ceremony this weekend for two very dear friends of mine, and despite soul shattering nerves and a near vomit inducing set of butterflies, I pulled it off without a hitch. The organizer of the wedding even asked me if Id like to be included on the list for possible officiants for future ceremonies, to which I flatly responded, 'oh heeeeeelllllllll no'.
I thought later that perhaps it wasnt because I did such a stellar job, but rather because I looked so sharp.
Anyway, at the risk of sounding totally sappy, and destroying what little street cred Im desperately clutching onto, probably the highlight of the evening for me was making the acquaintance of a new friend;
Anyhow, I was just sitting there, on account of the fact that my shoes were killing me;
and with a fearlessness that three years olds generally dont have, she just climbed aboard and fell fast asleep.
And really, to that end, had I been able to find a lap big enough to accommodate me, I very likely would have assumed the same position.
As active as The Skipper is about keeping me tuned in to all relevant cultural happenings, he didnt disappoint with this breaking news of the recent Soundgarden reunion.
So, youre aware of Manifesto Bicycles in Oakland. Ive talked about them a bunch. Well, the last time I was in there, Sam told me about this cat that had just come in and thrown some ape hangers on his Folsom. This I had to see.
Brilliant. All the rest of their random builds and shiny, happy customers faces can be found on their Flickr page.
Our friend Troy recently got ahold of us with some very cool, and environmentally concious news;
"Greetings all,
I'm pleased to formally announce BIO-LUBE's partnership with the Phil Wood & Co! Actually we've been involved for more than a year now carefully redeveloping BIO-LUBE's future and hatching some other bright ideas.
Phil Wood is now selling BIO-LUBE to individuals via their website.. Please also look for Phil BIO-LUBE at the 2008 Interbike International Bike Expo. Thank you for your support and interest along the way,
Troy Boone
Founder - BIO-LUBE"
Troys plan to take over the world bit by bit looks to be moving along splendidly.
And while were on the topic of world domination, The Monk gave us a shout to clue us in on that somethings thats near and dear to our hearts;
"Thought you may be interested in this race on Aug 23rd.
Like Ive said before, that is almost enough to bring me out of retirement. And like Sov says, "I dont race because racism is wrong."
Or something like that.
However, with that upcoming Worlds thing just around the corner, a temporary lapse in my retiredmentness looks to be just what the doctor ordered, though theres not a single person gonna be racing that needs to keep an eye peeled for me.
After months of injury and a huge lack of time spent on the dirt, Im afraid the only one Im going to be putting the smack down on will be me.
And believe me, I will be kicking the ever loving crap out of myself.
I spoke with GenO on the telephone the other night and he asked me what gear I will be running. Seeing as Ive never run anything other than an 18 anywhere Ive ever ridden OR raced, with the exception of the one time when I accidentally ran a 16 at Sea Otter on a cross bike (which by the way, Im not ashamed to admit very nearly killed me) I told him that I guessed Id be running the 18.
When he said hed be using a 20, the monkey wrench was thrown right into my plan.
Now I feel as though I might need to re-strategize.
And there I was thinking that the new bar ends I got was all I needed to carry me away from to agony of defeat.
At least I still have my Surly bars with the comfy 20 degree bend and 666mm width, which really, when you get right down to it, is all that matters.
With all of this being said, the only natural conclusion that I can arrive at is that single speed mountain bikes are as stupid today as they were the first time I threw a leg over one some 13 years ago.
Now then, we here at Swobo have been blessed to have probably the largest contingent of the largest friends in the bike world. Of course weve got Big Dave, and Sasha The Drunk Russian, Steve P and Loudass, but weve got a new friend in the ranks of bouncer sized compatriots that comes in the form of Rob Mac;
Stevil-
Pic of me in my favorite shirt. Its a XXL and fits me great- snug in chest and shoulders and a little room in the torso.
I understand that guys of my size are like 1% of the population and prolly even less of the cycling population.
But how sweet it would be if you did a limited run of jerseys that'd fit us Giant Riders. You could even sneak in some press on the Clydesdale forum on MTBR.com. See? I got all figured out.
I know. Pipe dream. Thanks for listening.
- Rob"
Once we get the biggies of our ilk outfitted in gigantor Swobo threads, were going to start a football team and take over the world.
And as a side note, I was just recollecting a time when I was in Vegas with The Russian. It should be noted that while Im not a giant like the aforementioned, I fall into around 6'1" and about a bacon waffle shy of 200 pounds. Well, The Russian has a grand appreciation for the horse play, and one night while walking down the street, with one sweep of his arm, he knocked me completely upside down and into the bushes.
Its a dangerous game to play with him, as I really dont think he has any comprehension of his stature or density, and when he gets that gleam in his eye, its best to run for the hills.
Anyhow, back to the mail bag for more unrelated silliness;
"Stevil,
Cross season upon us? You bet it is. And a few of us lanky, beer swilling, bacon devouring, ass grab’n merry pranksters in Seattle are going to ‘bring it’ at the SSCXWC this year. Last week, I received a prototype of the Horse we’ll be riding into town on to deliver the whoop’n on.
The Bummer Life just received a Jimmy “Super Fly Snuka” style atomic elbow to the neck.
Now, will you send Chris Distefano a friendly reminder that I still need hubs for this thing? He’s tired of hearing from me.
Sally"
First of all, Chris D answers to no one, and there is no one thats more of a no one than me, so Im afraid Ill be of no help in that regard, and secondly, that bike is just f-ing sick.
You have done me proud, and if you dont absolutely get your ass handed to you in Napa on that thing, that will only serve to have done me just that much prouder.
The Soil Saloon is rearing its ugly head again;
"No more high noon. This here is a race in the afternoon twilight, with ruckus a plenty, smiles galore and a fine load of shenanigans.
So if you please, oh web master of this famous and wondrous corner of the blogosphereowebzone, would you mind letting people know there's another soil saloon coming?
-d
aka
24elsinore"
Not only wouldnt I mind, but it would be an honor.
Alright, as hard as it might be to believe, Im still experiencing the swerve from the weekends festivities, so Im gonna sign off so as to not subject you to anymore of this nonsense.
In closing, our friend MaLora Ann emailed me and jokingly chided me for using a photo of her on Friday that according to her, was possibly the dorkiest one I could have picked..
I told her that I liked it and that I thought it made he look kinda bookish and sweet, but since Im all too aware of the fact that shes not all sugar and spice, I thought it only fair to include a photo of her alter ego;
Yeah... I know.
Oh yeah, I also stole this weeks header photo from Curtis's Flickr page. If youd like to look at more shots, then all you gotta do is do it.
Anyhow, she got ahold of us to see if we could help out with a gigantic bike polo hodown up there in Seattle. We sent her some goods and in return, she did the same;
Stevil!
It was a fantastic turnout with teams from Victoria and VanCouver BC, NYC, Oregon, and all over Seattle.
Photos:
Ladies of Tour de Polo with new Swobo Jerseys!
We had a grueling summer sunny weekend of nothing but polo, with 15 teams playing each other for total domination. Over 16 hours of play, over 200 games. It was amazing!
Thanks for the support SWOBO!
- MaLora Ann"
Thanks for the thanks, MaLora Ann. Your parents obviously raised you right.
Wouldnt you know the just as the doctor told me to cut back on the drinking, International Canned Beer Month rears its head?
And just so you all know, staying on the wagon hasnt worked out so well for me.
Especially last night.
Waggle got ahold of us with the awesome;
"Heres a funny article i read. Lets start with the fact that I drive a car yes but i don't try to combine outdoors activities with my car unless my car is taking me somewhere rad such as to a weekend of backpacking (antonymnous with car camping) or to other such radness. currently the scanner isn't working but you'll have to go with me on this one theres a link.
hmm yes i see that Patagonia has expensive stuff but it will take you to way more radder places than Eddie Bauer or LL bean and the stuff will most likely last longer. I'm sure that this may come as a shock to Autoweek but I'm assuming that many people if not a fine majority at Patagonia ride a bike to work. just a thought but who is autoweek really pointing the morons of the month finger at. glass houses my friend- glass petroleum polluting houses.
John"
All I gotta say is Amen.
Oh, and that glass houses suck balls in hail storms.
Patron saint of bike messengers, Squid caught up with us to let us know how his seed is doing;
"Keiran is 13 months now!!
Have done a few 15 milers with him around the urban jungle..
-Squid"
Looking at the picture of the little one just made a lightening bolt of brilliance come down and hit me on the head. Seeing as El Corpo doesnt really have enough on his plate, what with the designing and the sourcing and the what not, I think its high time we launch the 'Swobaby' line. 100% Merino footy pajamas?
Are you smelling what The Rock is cooking or what?
Pete wrote as well;
"I imagine the University of Wisconsin is upset they didn't think of it first. Bike valet parking.
--Pete"
Forward thinking is what I like to call this.
Regarding the broken link that Ben sent on Wednesday that I so deftly replaced with a photo of Princess Lea and Luke about to get it on, he re-forwarded it to me, so if you wish, and I know you do, go here.
I would also very much like to include an email we got from TinaB thats all about this little number;
"Surely everyone knows that the beast is in realty. Duh...
Ride fastly-
Russell"
Im pretty sure Ive got about another 200 emails to include, but Ill be damned if I can motivate to do so.
Are you all gonna have a good weekend?
I plan to, however Im supposed to officiate a wedding, and weddings tend to cause me fairly serious anxiety, so well see how this works out for me.
Might be sweet- It might be a disaster.
Im betting on the latter..
Next, I was gonna take a picture of this super kick ass sandwich I made for lunch today but before I did that, I ate it.
Its Wednesday today but instead of going on a ride, Im waiting for a trucking company to pick up a shipment of bikes.
Working in the bike industry totally rules sometimes.
Today The Skipper shared a bag of Skittles with me.
That ruled too.
6'7" has been putting the wrench on consumer bikes as of late, leaving me to concentrate on more important things like shipping the goods, returning emails, answering phones, having thumb wars with The Skipper, counting my money, teaching people how to say 'no to negativity', and eating sandwiches and Skittles.
So being the creative individual that he is, hes specializing the stem caps every so often.
Scotch, scotch, scotch...
And also, just so you know, at 5:00 California time on Wednesday the 6th of August, this happened;
Would you like to see an email from Ben? I would, and really, in the grand scheme of things, what I want, goes.
"Hey,
I found this rusty ass Huffy 3 speed the other day. I’m bored at work and was thinking about it. I decided to do a little image search and came up with this guys page. I know I’m supposed to provide some description of what is in this link. The only thing I will say is; we have all met this guy at one point in our two wheeled endeavors and ignorance truly is bliss..
(editors note- The link that was originally included was broken, so I added liberties.)
It reminds me of a little piece you did a while back…
(Editors second note- The 'piece' Ben is referring to wasnt actually about making out with my sister. I think.)
Thanks for all you do, I read this shit everyday!
Sincerely
Ben Cleveland
P.S. I attached a picture of myself during a good-morning drunk in Flagstaff, AZ."
That Ben is a good egg, and Im sorry about butchering his email.
And while were really cooking with gas here, how about a picture of Tito?
I dont know about you all, but I feel great. Would you like to see what the Wednesday Night Ride looks like RIGHT NOW!?
Thats it. Ive set the bar sooooo hight with this one I cant stand myself.
Im outta here.
Im going to start this post off with my favorite story of the last few days.
This here is CP, and a box of beer.
This past Sunday found the two of us lazing around Oakland, with no particular destination to speak of. In a fit of habitual inspiration, we picked up a twelver and rolled to Dunkans house for some porch sitting and some world-going-by-watching. Well, eventually our host had to depart, leaving us behind with locked doors and full bladders. In a fit of creativity, I entered a thick strand of immense leafy foliage in which I could relieve myself in relative privacy, however, upon emerging from my secret spot, I came to realize that my urine stream had been deflected by one of those big leafs and re-directed onto my pant leg.
My significantly better half laughed when recounting a conversation wed had before I left recently to Minneapolis. "How many pairs of pants are you bringing?" she asked. "One.." I said defiantly. "Im not going to need any more than that."
"You should bring two.. You know.. In case you pee on a pair.."
"Thats rediculous", I thought.
Though the issue never came up while in the Midwest, it looks like her foresight trumped mine yet again.
This should however, stand as testament to just how badass our JMac knickers are. You can piss all over yourself and not even know it until its too late.
Ok now, check this out. Our friend Dylan has recently been hand crafting some really amazing leather goods, such as this wallet he made for me;
Now it should go without saying that Im an absolute sucker for handmade stuff, especially when said stuff is made by the hands of friends. It should also go without saying that as soon as I payed for this wallet, I had no money left to put into it, but thats neither here nor there. He came into the office a few weeks later to show off an apron he had finished for a friend who is a metal worker.
Take note that these are painstakingly hand cut, hand sewn and hand tooled. He is an absolute craftsmen in every sense of the word, from these items all the way up to his custom built choppers. Should any of our metal fabricator friends find themselves in the market for say, a custom welding vest for example, contact us and well lay Dylans email address on you.
Guaranteed, youll be the first, and only one on your block to sport one.
On Monday, a reader posted a comment saying that Id had several weak posts up here as of late, and as I responded, I welcome all forms of criticism as long as its constructive. Further more, I openly invite folks to contribute whatever they like for this device. While I am responsible for nearly all of the content that you enjoy here (or in his case do not necessarily enjoy), ultimately, I am merely the moderator, so if there are points or topics you feel as though Im overlooking, then please by all means take the opportunity to contribute to distance this from being 'my' thing, to 'our' thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.
Anyhow, as I eluded to earlier, I spent the weekend in Oakland to take care of a long neglected laundry list of spiritually nourishing activities. I kicked things off right on Friday evening by having dinner with friends and then adjourning to a newish bar called The Trappist that is run by high grade beer nerds who specialize in hand crafted Belgian brews. Three deliciously intriguing samples later and I was on my ear.
Thats what I get for becoming accustomed to my regular brand of swill, but regardless, drinking my face off was one activity that was on my list, so I was able to scratch that off.
At least until the next day.
The following morning, Skinny Bee and I went on a 'blue flame burning' adventure through the hills and valleys to the East;
While I am of the opinion that man truly cant survive on bread alone, and I would probably kill myself if I was forever strictly confined to road riding, the loop in question reminds me that spinning along on a seemingly endless ribbon of tarmac can truly elevate your spirits straight to the heavens.
But despite my feelings, El Gato shared some concern;
"Stevil,
I am concerned that your injuries have led your psyche to become so dark, so twisted, that you are actually rationalizing the joys of road biking. Good lord man, what's next, a heart rate monitor, nay even a Power Tap??
I offer you three ways to avoid the bummer life that;
1) make use of your recent Pilates core work,
2) are devoid of significant impact on your carpal bones, and
3) help you make good use of the by product of brewed goods, Belgian or otherwise, .
El Gato"
No heart rate monitors yet, but I did incessantly yell at Bee to hold his line, complained that he wasnt putting forth enough of an effort, and then when we were climbing, Id put my hand on his shoulder (to get a sneaky pull) and let him know that the team was really proud of him for all of his hard work.
Oh, and even though its a stupid car ad, that first clip reminded me a bit of this;
Anyhow, upon our return to civilization, and while still wearing our stretchy pants and tap shoes, we supremely bummed out the clientele with a visit to the tattoo shop.
Of course our friends who own the shop were pleased as punch to see us, regardless of how clowny we looked, but your average hardened tattoo shop customer just doesnt understand the form fitting superhero costumes, and I cant really say as I blame them.
Then we stopped by to see Sam and Miss MacKay at Manifesto who regardless of how busy they are, always welcome a visit.
Though again our appearance threw the fixed gear crowd that congregates there into a puzzled funk.
Not wanting to subject anymore innocent bystanders to our particular choice of fashion, we returned home to get cleaned up, and begin a whole new evening of cocktails, dinner, friends and hijinx.
So after all was said and done, the score stands as such;
Me- 1. The bummer life- 0.
And thats just the way I like it.
It should also be noted that apparently, as of Sunday, cross season is upon us as I saw no fewer than 25 individuals all aboard their skinny and knobby tired beauties. Upon running into Gina Hall at some point, she mentioned that it was probably because it was a foggy morning, and almost above just about anybody, Id suspect shed know for sure.
Enough about my life though..Howzabout we dip into the mail bag?
This from CZ;
"Hey- We had some visitors this weekend, I believe you are familiar with them.
There was a lot of antics including a skid-comp. The Residude showed us a cupla tricks.
How many drunks does it take to pour a beer.
Gene wins the skid comp.
We did a shop ride on Sat. Hit some dirt, busted Hurl and Brauer out of the prison camp, then went for a dip at Bare-ass Beach.
Later we stumbled over to Cuzzys where we ran into Stanley Kowalski and his brother. Then it was all over and someone left some stuff behind. Thought you may enjoy some photos of the tomfoolery. - CZ"
Again, I reiterate- The Minneapolis Mafia-1. The Bummer life- 0.
It would appear as though the bummer life has taken a sound ass whompin' lately.
From CFO- You know what has two thumbs and loves Jim Potter?
This guy;
And now to continue, A a r o n writes;
"Stevil, I went to the EUG and man, i had a great week ..then, dig tha attached flight #.....
guess what, it was delayed...!
then what? well, flight 7949 from Denver to teh STL...was also delayed...flat on take off, then flaps stuck, then on emegency landing the left wheel caught fire and they sprayed us down with foam. shitty pic attached of that.
12 hours later via CHI o'hare and sleeping in Denver airport, we got home.
back to the desk,
å"
So I was able to wrap my addled mind around the flight number photo and the foam all over the plane photo, but Ill be damned if I can figure out the sand dune number, but then again, in all truth I havent really explored very much of the Denver airport, so its entirely possible that I just missed the part of its interior that is full of sunny, windswept beaches.
Moustache 'winner' Waggle writes;
"Hey in regards to that video of the sloth on the latest blog and the scene where he's drinking on the beach... i saw an episode on the discovery channel where it explained that sloths move so slowly because they eat these fermented berries non-stop so in effect they are drunk all the time. this is no lie. i'm going to find a source and prove this. there was a whole episode about drunk animals."
Ive seen that episode and I have to say, it does my heart good to know Im not the only one one the animal kingdom with a penchant for the grape and grain..
Well, I dont know about you all, but Im pretty satisfied with this latest post. It encompassed the thrill of victory as well as the agony of (peeing on) de feet...
It had tales of planes burning, bikes breaking, Gene bleeding, monkeys drinking, and Sams Van Halen shirt.
I mean come on.. in my world of consistant mediocrity, this was damn near perfection.
Also, I shouldnt neglect to offer credit and a humble thanks to Joe for the amazing fruit of his eye as this weeks header shot. More of his dazzling photos can and should be found here.
And just for the hell of it, heres a shot of Big Dave and Bigger Dave;
We hope that everyone has a stupendous kick off for the week, and can hold on tight till were able do it all over again, again.
What are the Flying Goat Dogs you might ask? A new age cult? A Bicycle gang that rules, like, three square blocks near Wesley College In Florence Mississippi? You, me and the baby, which by our math makes three?
In truth its all of these things, plus the new and dynamic organic cotton t-shirt by your friends at Swobo.
Specifically, for those who want the brass and the tacks of it, The Flying Goat Dogs were an archaic and tiny sect of sheep herders from a land long forgotten. They worked their fingers to the bone sun up to sun down, tending to their flock, but what set these individuals apart was an unadulterated love for their 'flying machines'. Not the kind that actually glide through the air, as we here in this day and age might imagine, but a two wheel, drop barred wonder on which they would regularly test themselves against one another in hand dug arenas that were commonly referred to as 'vorago of vires' a rough translation of which is 'the pit of strength' or what we commonly know today as a velodrome.
Armed with this knowledge, and the help of this shirt, we can almost promise that youll attract the opposite sex, get promotions at work, and your neighbors will probably agree to take your garbage out to boot.
If the world is your oyster, then the Flying Goat Dog might as well be the pearl.
Hold tight and pretty soon well get back to our regular scheduled broadcast.
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